Hi ... I'm sorry not to have posted for so long. At the moment I can not concentrate enough to write a 'proper' post! However, I can do some kind of an update.
1. An application is being prepared by the local Community Mental Health Team, to request funding from the local Primary Care Trust for my treatment at the national Anxiety Disorders Unit. Currently this is awaiting a contribution from the psychiatrist.
2. Psychiatrist is visiting me later this week, as he has not met me yet - the psychiatrist changes each year. So this one needs to meet me before he can do his 'bit' for the application. Seems reasonable to me.
3. The psychiatrist is apparently considering additional medication for me, and will be talking to me about this when he sees me. Ummm ... I will take some convincing on this front. Medication being considered is anti-psychotic. I'm not psychotic, but it would be used for its sedative affect! Charming!
4. I'm on the waiting list for the ADU. If only funding was in place, I would be starting treatment in about 2 months I believe.
That's it. I am only going out once a week now. It is just too difficult, even with a support worker helping me. Sleeping very little. Watching tv, and tweeting - that's it really.
Bye for now.
Showing posts with label Waiting Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Waiting Lists. Show all posts
Monday, 21 June 2010
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Assessment done. Next challenge is funding.
At last I am on a waiting list for treatment, but will the treatment be funded?
Yesterday, I had an assessment at the Anxiety Disorders Residential Unit, and it was agreed there and then that if I wanted to be treated there, I would be added to their waiting list. Excellent news. And better still, the waiting list is a little under three months. Wow! It can be as much as one year. Three months is almost within grasp.
Just e one major hurdle remaining. I had the impression that this treatment was centrally funded. Yesterday I learnt that it has to be funded locally. It seems reasonable that the local trust, that referred me, know that they have to fund this treatment, but they did not say anything when I mentioned central funding in conversation with them. On the internet it talks about central funding for this treatment, and that is where I got the idea from. So I am a little confused. I will feel better once I have confirmation that funding is in place.
After the assessment I was shown around the accommodation, and it was fine. It is better than the accommodation I had when I was at college two years ago. So I was pleasantly surprised.
It was a long day. Leaving home at 10.00 am and returning back at 5.00 pm. For a year or more I have not been more than a few miles from home, and have not been to anywhere unfamiliar. So yesterday was a huge challenge in many ways.
Travelling home I went to sleep in the mini-cab. Since then I have been so, so tired, and have slept lots. I still feel really tired now. But I just wanted to update you. Will write more in due course.
Yesterday, I had an assessment at the Anxiety Disorders Residential Unit, and it was agreed there and then that if I wanted to be treated there, I would be added to their waiting list. Excellent news. And better still, the waiting list is a little under three months. Wow! It can be as much as one year. Three months is almost within grasp.
Just e one major hurdle remaining. I had the impression that this treatment was centrally funded. Yesterday I learnt that it has to be funded locally. It seems reasonable that the local trust, that referred me, know that they have to fund this treatment, but they did not say anything when I mentioned central funding in conversation with them. On the internet it talks about central funding for this treatment, and that is where I got the idea from. So I am a little confused. I will feel better once I have confirmation that funding is in place.
After the assessment I was shown around the accommodation, and it was fine. It is better than the accommodation I had when I was at college two years ago. So I was pleasantly surprised.
It was a long day. Leaving home at 10.00 am and returning back at 5.00 pm. For a year or more I have not been more than a few miles from home, and have not been to anywhere unfamiliar. So yesterday was a huge challenge in many ways.
Travelling home I went to sleep in the mini-cab. Since then I have been so, so tired, and have slept lots. I still feel really tired now. But I just wanted to update you. Will write more in due course.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Dealing with Intense Feelings
Contains swearing, so please do not read if you will be offended. Thank you.
Sometimes the emotions that I feel are just so intense, and expressing my feelings on the web helps me to re-gain some kind of equilibrium. I have learnt that I get very upset and distressed over any problems and/or disappoints regarding getting help/support. This is one such example.
A few weeks ago, triggered by learning that I had a further seven weeks to wait for the assessment, I wrote the 'poem' below. I felt desparate - desparate for treatment. I posted this poem (semi) anonymously on the website of an organisation that provides me with support. And I also included it as a comment, to a post on Talking Therapies, on the Mind website.
The weekend followed, and at some stage during it, when I was calmer, I undid both of these actions. Making it public had served its purpose - I was in control of my emotions, and decided that it was better all round if it was removed.
So why am I posting this poem here on my own blog? Well I actually think that if it is going to be shared anywhere then this is the place.
Why am I sharing it at all? It communicates something of my feelings. It provides a glimpse of my world, when I'm not at my best! It reveals the extreme affect on me of the delays in treatment caused by the long NHS waiting lists. And sadly, many, many other people with mental health problems are in the same position.
At times, life is shit,
I am shit.
Sitting here,
Sitting here,
Still sitting here,
Why don’t I move?
I can’t be bothered.
I don’t like myself.
I want to hurt myself,
So that I suffer.
Still sitting here.
In seven weeks, I’ll be assessed.
When will someone help me?
I’m sitting here.
Still sitting here.
In seven weeks and one day,
I’ll have been assessed,
I’ll be sitting here.
When will someone help me.
I am shit.
I am sitting here.
Sometimes the emotions that I feel are just so intense, and expressing my feelings on the web helps me to re-gain some kind of equilibrium. I have learnt that I get very upset and distressed over any problems and/or disappoints regarding getting help/support. This is one such example.
A few weeks ago, triggered by learning that I had a further seven weeks to wait for the assessment, I wrote the 'poem' below. I felt desparate - desparate for treatment. I posted this poem (semi) anonymously on the website of an organisation that provides me with support. And I also included it as a comment, to a post on Talking Therapies, on the Mind website.
The weekend followed, and at some stage during it, when I was calmer, I undid both of these actions. Making it public had served its purpose - I was in control of my emotions, and decided that it was better all round if it was removed.
So why am I posting this poem here on my own blog? Well I actually think that if it is going to be shared anywhere then this is the place.
Why am I sharing it at all? It communicates something of my feelings. It provides a glimpse of my world, when I'm not at my best! It reveals the extreme affect on me of the delays in treatment caused by the long NHS waiting lists. And sadly, many, many other people with mental health problems are in the same position.
At times, life is shit,
I am shit.
Sitting here,
Sitting here,
Still sitting here,
Why don’t I move?
I can’t be bothered.
I don’t like myself.
I want to hurt myself,
So that I suffer.
Still sitting here.
In seven weeks, I’ll be assessed.
When will someone help me?
I’m sitting here.
Still sitting here.
In seven weeks and one day,
I’ll have been assessed,
I’ll be sitting here.
When will someone help me.
I am shit.
I am sitting here.
Saturday, 3 April 2010
Bit about living with OCD
Sorry for the gap since my last post. I hope you won't give up on me!
I have some good news. I have a date for the long awaited appointment at a special centre, where I will be assessed for treatment - it is mid May. When I heard this, I was very distressed for some hours. I think it was a re-action to having to wait seven more weeks. On the one hand, if I consider this logically, I know that it actually is not a long time. On the other hand, the reality of day to day life means that this seems a very long time. Our perception of time is strange, isn't it? Does the speed with which time passes, always seem to be the opposite of what we desire?
A couple of weeks after the assessment, I will find out whether I am being offered treatment at this centre. If the answer is 'yes', I think, it is likely to mean waiting about ten months for a place. I am continuing to believe that it won't be that long, because I am not able to cope with the alternative. If the conclusion is that the treatment that they provide is not appropriate for me, then I think that they will suggest alternatives. I am blanking out this possibility, in my mind, as well.
One day this week I went out to a big store to buy an essential item, that I could not order online for home delivery. I have someone who supports me, when I need to leave home, and she came with me on this trip. It was too daunting for me to go alone. The OCD was a nightmare - I don't feel able to go into details, even here where I am anonymous - suffice it to say that the OCD makes walking on pavements, tarmac etc very difficult and extremely stressful. On top of that, my anxiety levels make it difficult for me to express myself clearly when I need to talk to staff in the store. Later on, there were the school lads who found the 'walking difficulties' I was having highly amusing. I returned home exhausted, but the positive thing is that I did it.
To think that I held down a responsible job in IT for a good number of years. My abilities were highly rated. Now I'm struggling with walking on pavements, and whether a light bulb is on or off! How life has changed!
I have some good news. I have a date for the long awaited appointment at a special centre, where I will be assessed for treatment - it is mid May. When I heard this, I was very distressed for some hours. I think it was a re-action to having to wait seven more weeks. On the one hand, if I consider this logically, I know that it actually is not a long time. On the other hand, the reality of day to day life means that this seems a very long time. Our perception of time is strange, isn't it? Does the speed with which time passes, always seem to be the opposite of what we desire?
A couple of weeks after the assessment, I will find out whether I am being offered treatment at this centre. If the answer is 'yes', I think, it is likely to mean waiting about ten months for a place. I am continuing to believe that it won't be that long, because I am not able to cope with the alternative. If the conclusion is that the treatment that they provide is not appropriate for me, then I think that they will suggest alternatives. I am blanking out this possibility, in my mind, as well.
One day this week I went out to a big store to buy an essential item, that I could not order online for home delivery. I have someone who supports me, when I need to leave home, and she came with me on this trip. It was too daunting for me to go alone. The OCD was a nightmare - I don't feel able to go into details, even here where I am anonymous - suffice it to say that the OCD makes walking on pavements, tarmac etc very difficult and extremely stressful. On top of that, my anxiety levels make it difficult for me to express myself clearly when I need to talk to staff in the store. Later on, there were the school lads who found the 'walking difficulties' I was having highly amusing. I returned home exhausted, but the positive thing is that I did it.
To think that I held down a responsible job in IT for a good number of years. My abilities were highly rated. Now I'm struggling with walking on pavements, and whether a light bulb is on or off! How life has changed!
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
I Arrive at the Bottom of the Helter Skelter
Before Tuesday morning last week I believed:
1. Three weeks previously I had been referred for treatment at a specialist centre, and any day now would receive an appointment letter.
2. The appointment for an assessment would be quite soon, as I’d been told that the treatment was expected to start in 2-3 months time.
So I’d already waited about a quarter to a third of the waiting time, until start of treatment. My life is substantially restricted, so it still seemed like a long while to wait, but I felt it was manageable.
By the Tuesday afternoon I knew:
1. The referral paperwork had been lost in the CMHT email system, before it was sent off.
2. The specialist centre still knew nothing of me, so I was definitely not on the waiting list.
3. The waiting list for an initial appointment was 2-3 months.
In light of this, along with a bit of investigation on the internet, I estimate that after the initial appointment, it will be about an 8-12 month wait to start treatment.
Ummm! So a bit of a difference between what I had previously been led to believe, and the facts. Give you one guess how I was feeling! Gutted. So gutted, I am not able to convey my feelings in words.
I still do not know how I will cope with waiting another year.
1. Three weeks previously I had been referred for treatment at a specialist centre, and any day now would receive an appointment letter.
2. The appointment for an assessment would be quite soon, as I’d been told that the treatment was expected to start in 2-3 months time.
So I’d already waited about a quarter to a third of the waiting time, until start of treatment. My life is substantially restricted, so it still seemed like a long while to wait, but I felt it was manageable.
By the Tuesday afternoon I knew:
1. The referral paperwork had been lost in the CMHT email system, before it was sent off.
2. The specialist centre still knew nothing of me, so I was definitely not on the waiting list.
3. The waiting list for an initial appointment was 2-3 months.
In light of this, along with a bit of investigation on the internet, I estimate that after the initial appointment, it will be about an 8-12 month wait to start treatment.
Ummm! So a bit of a difference between what I had previously been led to believe, and the facts. Give you one guess how I was feeling! Gutted. So gutted, I am not able to convey my feelings in words.
I still do not know how I will cope with waiting another year.
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