Bit about living with OCD

Sorry for the gap since my last post. I hope you won't give up on me!

I have some good news. I have a date for the long awaited appointment at a special centre, where I will be assessed for treatment - it is mid May. When I heard this, I was very distressed for some hours. I think it was a re-action to having to wait seven more weeks. On the one hand, if I consider this logically, I know that it actually is not a long time. On the other hand, the reality of day to day life means that this seems a very long time. Our perception of time is strange, isn't it? Does the speed with which time passes, always seem to be the opposite of what we desire?

A couple of weeks after the assessment, I will find out whether I am being offered treatment at this centre. If the answer is 'yes', I think, it is likely to mean waiting about ten months for a place. I am continuing to believe that it won't be that long, because I am not able to cope with the alternative. If the conclusion is that the treatment that they provide is not appropriate for me, then I think that they will suggest alternatives. I am blanking out this possibility, in my mind, as well.

One day this week I went out to a big store to buy an essential item, that I could not order online for home delivery. I have someone who supports me, when I need to leave home, and she came with me on this trip. It was too daunting for me to go alone. The OCD was a nightmare - I don't feel able to go into details, even here where I am anonymous - suffice it to say that the OCD makes walking on pavements, tarmac etc very difficult and extremely stressful. On top of that, my anxiety levels make it difficult for me to express myself clearly when I need to talk to staff in the store. Later on, there were the school lads who found the 'walking difficulties' I was having highly amusing. I returned home exhausted, but the positive thing is that I did it.

To think that I held down a responsible job in IT for a good number of years. My abilities were highly rated. Now I'm struggling with walking on pavements, and whether a light bulb is on or off! How life has changed!