Is the light on?

Imagine standing in the bathroom. It has no windows, the door is shut and the lights are off, so it is very dark. I think that you would most probably be sure that the lights are off - I'm not certain, but that is what I reckon.

Maybe you are thinking - of course I'd be sure, that's obvious. Maybe you feel a bit annoyed, because it is just so ridiculous to even think about whether you are sure. And that illustrates the difference - a very big difference.

In that situation, I would be very unsure whether the lights were off. There would be serious doubt in my mind. It could take me fifteen minutes or longer to be sufficiently sure, so that I leave the room. I would still not be certain, but sure enough to move on.

My eye sight is fine. I'm highly intelligent - honestly folks.

OCD takes many forms. This illustrates one way that it affects me, and has affected me for as long as I can remember. I am unsure whether lights are off, doors are locked, the oven is off, taps are off, plugs are out of plug holes, sockets are off, electric plugs are out etc etc etc etc. The list goes on and on. The main times that this is a problem is if I want to leave home or go to bed. At these times I need to be sure of all these things. At its worse, it has taken me about two hours - two hours of checking.

I'm highly intelligent - I know that I've said that before, but I just want to make sure that you remember that - ok. I am not stupid. My thought process is generally very logical. This led to me being very successful working in IT. I know that, when I am checking, what I think and do is not logical. When working, I would be able to make large changes to computer systems that process customers' bank accounts. And yet, it was very difficult for me to be sure that my desk drawers were locked, before I left the office for home. Changing the computer systems was easy in comparison - well ok - that's a slight exaggeration! Being sure that the desk drawers were locked could be a nightmare.

Let's return to the lights. I know that the bathroom is dark, very dark. But that is not enough for me to be sure that the lights are off. That is the fact.

I've been told that it is frequently highly intelligent people who have OCD. My experience is that it varies over the years, both in terms of severity, and also in terms of the specific problems that it causes. I am fortunate, in that I have had times when the OCD has been very well behaved, and not caused me many problems.

I hope that this has been of interest to you.

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Please do not leave comments with suggestions on things that might help. I don't want to appear ungrateful. I have had OCD for decades, and have tried many things to control it. At the moment, I can't cope with suggestions of ways to tackle it, sorry.